The oppressive heat that has sapped energy for writing (and almost anything else) has somewhat abated. It is muggy today, but with the gray overcast sky comes some relief from the penetrating heat. It is 90 degrees at 11:00 in the morning and thunderstorms are predicted for tomorrow. That must surely mean that it will be cooler still. Thank God!
My "visits" with other volunteers and staff continue. This morning I met with Kathryn, who spelled her name for me when she saw my note taking. Kathryn is a demure retired labor and employment attorney who is on her third volunteer gig at retreat centers. She spent a little over a year at Ghost Ranch in New Mexico, 18 months at Meadowkirk in Virginia and will be leaving Stony Point in December, after being persuaded to extend her year-long commitment to a year and a half.
Kathryn's volunteer cycle of retreat centers was for personal discernment. She thought she might want to create or manage a retreat center of her own, focusing on women's issues. She reached a conclusion: she does not want to do that! First of all, she has learned that running a retreat center requires a LOT of work, an almost endless amount. More importantly, she has learned that constantly relating to people, which is integral to this line of work, can be very draining. Kathryn, while being a very warm and welcoming person, is also an introvert. Living in community involves giving up much of ones privacy and independence. She has come to realize that as a lifestyle, it is not the right "fit" for her.
Sitting at her desk, her salt and pepper hair streaming down her back, Kathryn spoke in a soft voice about the many years of her life spent as an activist for peace, justice and non-violence, the very values that are at the heart of life at Stony Point. Somewhat wistfully, she recalled her many years of protests and marches. However, Kathryn expressed that while she continues to hold these values close to her heart, she no longer has the "juice," as she referred to it, to live her life energetically in pursuit of them. She expressed this with some sadness. It causes her to feel a bit on the periphery of life at Stony Point and that, she laments, does not feel good. She will be ready when December comes to carve out the next chapter in her life.
Kathryn has enjoyed her volunteer job of being manager of the gift shop. She operates this aesthetically arrangement collection of art items and books , mostly ordered from the Ten Thousand Village fair trade system, with great efficiency. It is quiet, evenly paced work that she is good at and it suits her temperament. I am grateful that she stocks four different kinds of fair trade organic chocolate!
Listening to this soft-spoken lady reflect, I found myself hoping that some new level of self awareness awaits me in my Stony Point experience. I too have been a person staunchly independent. Inter-dependence is the operative word when you live in intentional community. This is something that I have emphasized in teaching about good ensemble theatre in my many years as teacher and director. However, creating the climate that sustains healthy inter-dependence for the duration of a production period and one that must be sustained for the ongoing health of community are very different demands.
We all need both time to experience the best of what community life has to offer and we also need time to be alone. We need moments of self-centeredness, in order to process our experiences. We need time to figure out how to encorporate each new insite, learning and understanding into who we are and who we are becoming. As long as we are living and breathing, we are constantly in the act of becoming. I have stayed in high gear all of my life, not giving myself very much time to process and reflect. Maybe that is the gift that awaits me in my year a Stony Point. So as I continue to "become", I pray that I become more self-aware, more spiritually grounded, more able to give of myself and more able to recognize the gifts that come by grace like the one I received this morning talking to a gentle volunteer named Kathryn.
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